Alan never quites gets over Denny
by Alan wannabe
Summary: He tries to regain himself, but he tries too hard


Alan Shore (pre-Denny's death, pre Alan's heartattack)

Alan Shore was a very sexual man, and he liked to think of himself as a sexually experienced man,

overall. He had enjoyed women, a few men, no animals (he had in fact admonished Denny against trying sheep, since the sheep could never be a consenting partner). One evening, after a day at the Legal Aid clinic, he found himself alone and wondering what he had missed in what nook or cranny of the physical pleasure world he had not explored. Well, not even marriage, to a man and a woman, he could not say which had given him more pleasure. Of human love, probably he would select his wife who died, but in human companionship, his best ever friend Denny Crane would classify as the most pleasing: his mentor, his playmate, his fellow prankster. Probably the only thing he could think of that he had never even considered was crossing gender lines. He had read an article by Rene Richards, one of the most well-known of the 20th century transgendered people (T-woman), She wrote:"When I was a man, I was at the height of my powers. All of a sudden, it was all gone, and I became a woman at 40. That's no piece of cake. It's not easy to become a woman after having been a man for all those years. You don't know how to behave. You make believe that you are a woman. That's not the same thing. Still, I'm a woman with a Y chromosome. I know deep down I'm a second-class woman. It's second best. I'm not as perfect as an XX-chromosome female. Further she wrote:There isn't anything I miss about being a man. Maybe I'm not quite as arrogant. I can't walk the street alone at night. I drive into a parking lot and the guy says, "I'll park it for you," because he doesn't want you to smash it up because you're a woman driver.

Alan had to admit he had never envied women, except maybe the Lennon Sisters, when he and Denny dressed as them at a Halloween party. He had been on the participating end of male-female relationships and he didn't think he would enjoy his own pressures or moodiness. And certainly not the say-at-home-mother without a career in the public in general. He would certainly miss interacting and meeting other people, and from what he had learned, he didn't think he would enjoy giving birth or suffering through PMS. He didn't think he would have enjoyed having his choices limited at school because he was female. Alan decided that he would not, as the girl sang in "Flower Drum Song" "...Enjoy being a Girl."

On the other hand, he was slightly less than 6 feet tall, which was not too much for a woman to be considered normal, even statuesque. He really felt sorry for women like Bethany, who were "little people" who might feel compelled to be come men. Not much chance of spending a year dressed as the preferred gender, as he understood was necessary to attain transgender surgery. Out of luck. No wonder there were many more T-women than T-men. Or maybe, he wondered, is it just that women are more satisfied being women. Certainly, Rene Richards didn't seem to think so. Alan decided that all the science was not in agreement about that!

As for why there are probably more trans-women than trans-men, Alan read on the web:

1. Because it is far more acceptable in the United States for females to dress in men's clothing and adopt traditionally "male" or "masculine" interests, behaviors, and even names, than vice versa, some people who are born female with a male gender identity may be able to live as men or with a masculine gender presentation without therapeutic or medical intervention more easily than those who are born male with a female gender identity.

2. Because of gender and sex inequalities in the U.S. economic system, people who are born female are overrepresented in lower-paying jobs, traditionally "female" jobs are not valued economically, and, in most occupations, women, in general, still make less than men. Therefore, many of those born female with a male gender identity may lack the financial resources necessary to secure the therapeutic and medical interventions they require. (This is not to say that trans women necessarily have money. Many trans people — both men and women — lack financial resources due to employment laws that do not protect us from being fired or denied employment based on our trans status. And when trans women transition, they lose the "male status" that is associated with higher wages.)

3. Female-to-male genital surgery is far more expensive and extensive than male-to-female genital surgery, so even those trans men who do have financial resources might not have enough to undergo this type of surgery and be "counted" in surgical statistics.

All right, so some people were keeping up with this subject, but even wikipedia related tales of individuals rethinking about doing the deed:

When he came home that evening to Denny, a cigar, and some scotch, while they were together on Denny's balcony, Alan asked Denny as casually as possible, at this turn of his life. "Denny, Do you remember when we were in L.A. and you said about Courteney, "Are you really a man? 'I could learn to live with that.'" Alan stopped for a moment and tried to center on his next question. "Did you really mean that?"

Denny was somewhat nonplussed to have that question brought up again. "Yes, I think I did!"

Alan asked hisitantly, "Then would you feel more comfortable as a transexual legal partner?"

Denny now looked shocked as if he should not be required to answer that question. "Why? because we could have "real sex" then?"

Alan shrugged and developed a cough. "Well, if you must know, yes."

"Alan you are physically a man. Are you saying that you would be willing to go through that for me, the surgery, the pretending, the analysis? Do you understand what that means, Alan?"

Alan could feel his face darkening. "Yes, I have been reading a lot about it, and no, it is not something I would ever want to do, just for myself. But if you would be more comfortable, and since I know you want nothing to do with homosexuality. At least that way we could enjoy sex and not damage your own beliefs about the whole area of knowledge."

Denny turned very serious himself. "Alan, you know I don't have sex with just anyone female. Still, I must admit that you are not oversized, and you do have dainty little, well-manicured hands. It would not be impossible for me to see you as being female. Maybe that is something that lead me to be attracted to you from the beginning. Do you think you are attracted to the male-ness in me. Not that I could blame you, understand! Yet you really never tried to seduce me, however much you may have wanted to."

"Yes", Alan said thoughtfully. "I can see that having happened."

Denny swirled his scotch, and puffed thoughfully on his cigar. "But you say that you never desired this transition on your own? In other words, this is something you would do just for me. Because I do not approve of homosexuality. I have always suspected that you have had some experience in the area. But, as a gay man?"

"No" Alan chose his words as carefully as he could now. "I have not done anything that would not allow me to enjoy sex as a man. Of either a heterosexual or a homosexual nature. You see, Denny, there are somethings that are only classified by society as having one nature or another. Society only admits one sex or the other. But we as humans are capable of so much more. And I do not want to miss out on any of it! Do you understand me now?"

"Do you think you would like to be a woman, Alan?"

"To be honest, I don't know if I could take the downgrading of status. Unless there was the happiness of someone else to be considered." .


End file.
